hey! how are things?

ill catch up on the major events since my last blog in the form of a poem:

almost got arrested by the cops
dont shoot squirrels in town
turned 22 and had a blast
eventually the leaves turn brown.

bought a sweet truck
'93 dodge V8 4x4
took it to the mountains with awesome people
couldnt ask for more

still no full time job
gonna be a substitute though
teaching kids will be sweet
and im gonna make some dough

ok thats that. now for some current events. my fingers are freezing. our house has no heat. well we use electric heaters but we all know how much those jack up the electric bill and since i dont have a full-time job and my income is a little limited i choose to sit and be a lot cold. the toolbox has so much character though; no heat, a conglomerate of 9 random dudes, a dog that farts worse than ryan and me combined, a washer and dryer in hell, no heat, broken walls, a greek and an asian, ranch dressing, no heat, but it lacks absolutely nothing. well it actually misses only ryan fawley. missss you!!

do yall ever feel that tugging in your soul like God's really telling you to go to mad depths for Him but you don't know what it looks like or what you're supposed to do in the least bit? like there's something right in front of you that keeps slapping you in the face but its blurry and you can't make it out through the fog. that's kinda where i am right now. its weird because i don't have a full time job and i have a pretty good feeling that it's because God's trying to teach me a lot about relying fully on Him, which is awesome and i love living this sort of life of faith, but i get stressed out and kinda embarressed when i run into old friends and they ask me what i'm doing now and all i have to say is that i hang out with middle school kids and only do odd jobs here and there -- which i've slacked on a lot lately -- and am not taking classes of any sort, but sit around and hang out with people and play way too many video games and watch too many sportscenter reruns. and sometimes i feel like its just a cop-out to say that God just wants me to hang out and be a substitute teacher on the side. its just my prideful nature that's getting in the way. i mean i think the reasons why i feel like im failing in life is because firstly this isn't what society says you're supposed to do, and secondly i've always been told that i have so much 'potential'. what does that mean? just because i got good grades in high school i need to go to college and get a job that i hate so i can make my own money and blah blah blah? potential shmotential. im here to serve God. nothing less. but, there is something more. it's just slowly being revealed to me.

oh yeah. i might go to africa soon to help build a orphanage. that'd be sweet.